She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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