So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
