i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
