Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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