if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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