OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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