he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
