Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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