Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize