so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I lost the right to judge tonight
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
