Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
how does that bad decision feel?
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