i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
