Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
