I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
