i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
