I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
