I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
porn star boner night. come get it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
