I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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