I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
