So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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