She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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