I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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