I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
