i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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