the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
