Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
