i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
