The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
