I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
