Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize