Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
time to smoke my breakfast
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
