No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I will pee on everything he values.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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