So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
