All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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