Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
