Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
