As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
