took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
