Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
