I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize