Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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