so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize