Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize