There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
