what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i think i just lost a toe
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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