if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize