smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
