my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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