Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
