hotel room ftw
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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