Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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