When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
