She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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