I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I want to have your abortion
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
