I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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