sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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