puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
