At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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