I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
