cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
