is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
