I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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