uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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