forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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